When Things Get Personal: A Philosophical Guide to Conflict

How to avoid the trap of taking conflicts so personally

We’re all imperfect. Good relationships require seeing each other through these imperfections—distinguishing what is signal, and what is noise. But sometimes we mistake noise for signal—or worse, signal for noise. And even when we get things right, the other person can be getting them wrong. In When Things Get Personal, Mark Schroeder shows that the better we can learn to tell the difference between signal and noise in our relationships, the better we can predict and avoid everyday misunderstandings that, if left unchecked, can lead to “discord”—fundamental, sometimes chronic failures to see eye to eye that lead us to take things personally that we shouldn’t, to treat others in ways that they take personally, to abandon relationships that are worthwhile, and to stay in relationships that we’d be better off without.

Engagingly written, story-driven, and rich with powerful ideas and insights, When Things Get Personal addresses conflicts between colleagues, friends, and partners—and between parents and their children. Along the way, it explores the role discord plays in abusive relationships, in tragic coming-out stories, in political polarization, in small ongoing disagreements over things like how to load the dishwasher, and much more.

Discord gets us all into serious trouble. But unrecognized discord is even worse. When Things Get Personal teaches you to recognize the causes and symptoms of discord, allowing you to escape many of its worst effects. You will understand other people better—and maybe yourself, as well.